- everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
- everything draco does ever
- calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
- calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
- colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
- shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
- [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
- every single cat is professor mcgonagall
why
- POTTER
- ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it - “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
- [random object] is totally a hufflepuff
- remember that game where someone yells “SHATNER” and you have to overact? same thing except it’s “TRELAWNEY” and you have to use whatever you’re holding to make a ludicrous prediction
- a more popular variation is “LOCKHART” to make up a pompous story about using whatever you’re holding to drive the [monster] out of [town]
- calling hippogriffs “leggy birbs”
- “Our beloved headmaster Albert Dumpsterfire/Aqueous Disillusionment/Aberdeen Decapitation…”
- shitty incantations ( “The Graying Hair Charm? Make-me-bloody-ancient-osia.” )
reblogging for albert dumpsterfire xD
-the dumbledore one, except you keep adding incorrect names, like albert pensive wallace herbert richard flamingo sherbet tango luthor…
-*peeves appears* IT DAT BOI
-”i’d rather be petrified”
-”so a shack gets to scream and it’s all normal and haunted, but when i do it i’m disturbing class and a nuisance”
I will sell my soul for all of this in a fic
- “average person meets 3 acromantula a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person meets 0 acromantula per year. Acromantula Hagrid, who teaches Care of Magical Creatures & befriends over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
- “meet me in the chamber of secrets in 5 minutes for some vintage amontillado”
- “for 8000 galleons a month i will stop,”
- hogwarts gothic
- (in a crowd and can’t find oliver wood)
(cups hands over mouth) “QUIDDITCH IS CANCELLED”
“YOU CAN’T CANCEL QUIDDITCH”
I like to think that “I’d rather be petrified” was started by the students who were actually petrified in CoS and then gradually spread to the general public